meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
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