Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
