I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
