How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
