please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
