omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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