Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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