I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
