She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
