tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Fuck me I smell like cheese
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
