3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
