Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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