My first STD was from a foam party
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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