It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
