Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize