I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
