don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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