You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
