OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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