I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You are a genius and a whore.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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