After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
