I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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