remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
