he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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