omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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