woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
