i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
