Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
