Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
