Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
