very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
