I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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