i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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