My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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