Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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