He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize