I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
