sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
