I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
