Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
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