I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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