Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
