He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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