I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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