Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
