He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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