So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
