why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
im about as happy as oj after his trial
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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