Your mouth is God's brothel.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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