the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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