she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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