There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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