I wish I could punch you in the face.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Every concussion has its silver lining
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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