We're facebook friends in real life
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
