I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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