FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
