Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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