I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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