I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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