im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
