4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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