I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You were trust falling into bushes
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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