on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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