Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
