alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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