fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
