I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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