i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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