OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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