You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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