I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize