If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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