I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
