Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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