either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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