Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
