The best revenge is premature balding
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
