I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
