Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
