If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
well most of my day revolves around power hour
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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