I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
