I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i dont even know how to be here
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Randomize
